He seemed genuinely hurt that I never came. So he went and got his kicks elsewhere, and I went and got an apartment. I could have taken him for the house, I suppose, but why? It held nothing for me, and it had belonged to his parents, anyway. I took from the marriage only what I had brought to it, minus my sense of self-worth.It was hard to sleep. The apartment was still strange, every creak in the walls unsettling. My own body was strange, too. Sleeping naked had been a pleasure once, but in. Even when you weren't dressed this way, I thought you were really a girl, leastways, more girl than boy."I sat down. I was too wasn't I; more girl than boy?This was something I hadn't thought about.If I was supposed to be a girl and I felt that was the probably truth of the matter, was I supposed to be into guys? Wasn't that a prerequisite for being a girl?I certainly hoped not!I mean I still dreamt of Lisa, the only girl I have ever kissed and straight away, into my head came the memory of. And he'd tell me how dirty I was there, and he'd spit on my ... my cunt. Sometimes he'd put a finger inside me and wiggle it around, then pull it out and force me to lick 'all the slime' off of his finger. Sometimes he'd put other things inside. And then he'd spank me and spank me and spank me. I could always feel his thing hard underneath me. Sometimes, he'd – you know – come while he was spanking me. He'd come in his pants. And when that happened, he'd get so mad, he'd yell at me and pull my. "Sorry I took so long, but I was enjoying the shower," she said and she slipped under the covers, but not before I was treated to a glimpse of her long naked legs under what seemed to be a man's pyjama top."Do you want to talk about it?" I asked."No not right now," she said and turned over."Ok, good night then," I said to her back and I too turned over and went to sleep.I awoke with a big hard on, as per usual, and Joan had turned over in her sleep and was nestling up against me; her right hand.
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